I’m one of those unlucky ones, kicking myself for not getting passes early enough and who will be sitting at base camp this year as many of my colleagues and friends head to one of the world’s best and biggest music festivals, the sold out Coachella Music Festival that starts April 18th until April 20th, 2011.

Where is Coachella? (ko-CHEL-a, ko-a-CHEL-a) is a city in Riverside County, California, or better known to locals as Indio, California- smack dab in the middle of the desert, and near famed sister city, Palm Springs.

It’s hot, it’s musical line-up is even hotter, and if you were one of the lucky ones to score a ticket, well- you’re one of those lucky ones that will partake in the sounds of some of the best indy artists ombined wtih mainstream music offered today.

Headliners: Daft Punk, Radiohead /w Arcade Fire, Kings of Leon, Kanye West,  The Strokes, and a long list of amazing-ness, Black Keys and Interpol, Killers front man Brandon Flowers along with Lauren Hill are also set to take the stage.

Each year, event producers, setting out to add safety to their line-up, have a list no-no’s on site, as well as FAQ’s. We’ve compiled them here.

So, be safe… heed the list… and, while you lucky one’s head out to that dry desert, once in a lifetime experience, think of we lowly non-badge holders sitting at home around the world… wishing we were there with you!

Doors open at 11am
Rain or Shine
DAY Parking is free
Everyone is required to have their wristband on at all times including the entrances to parking.
Line up/set times subject to change
Everyone subject to search upon entry
Be nice, have fun

More info to know…

What’s the best time to arrive?

Definitely arrive several hours earlier to be on the safe side. CARPOOL, CARPOOL, CARPOOL!!! Please be prepared for significant delays if you choose to not obey all festival signage and staff.

What time does it end?

The festival usually ends around 12:30am-ish.

Will you be posting set times in advance?

Yes. Set times will be posted here a couple days before the festival and also be on the festival guide that is passed out upon entrance.

How hot will it get in the day and how cold will it get at night?

Click Here for Coachella Valley 3 day Weather forecast information.

Click here to see what the “average” weather is like in Indio, CA. all year long.

What charity is the money going to? Who are they?

Please visit our Charity page for complete information.

How do I submit for the ART Festival?

Sorry we are not taking art submissions.

I’m a photographer. Who do I arrange a photo pass through?

Please use the press email address on the Contact Info page for inquiries.

Are you hiring people to work or volunteer at the event?

No.

Can I pass out flyers inside? Outside?

No. Try to be more green.

What happens if I lose or break my festival wristband?

Ouch, if you lose it or tamper with your wristband, you will have to buy another one (if there are any left)! If your wristband accidentally breaks or is damaged, please immediately return to the nearest entrance gate (tollbooth) and ask for customer service.

How do I become food vendor? Or non-food vendor? I have questions!

Vending booths for 2011: We are not taking vendor applications. There is NO waiting list. We will post here IF we decide that we need any new applications.

Food Vending for 2011: You may download an application HERE. Once you have filled out and sent in your application, if there is interest and room, you will be contacted and can ask all the questions you have at that time.

I am going to the festival but not camping on site. CAN I PARTAKE in all the cool stuff going on in the campgrounds?

You can during the festival but there is NO parking for you on Thursday night. (this means there is nowhere for you to park your car on Thursday night). If you find another way to arrive (taxi/shuttle/bike/walk/float/swim) and are wearing your festival pass, you are more than welcome. Onsite camping is the best option to never miss a moment of the fun! party.

Are there any places to rent a bicycle near by?

You should check HERE .

I have a Medical Marijuana Card and medicate daily. cool?

Sorry, Medical Marijuana Cards are not valid at Coachella.

Why ______________________ ?

Because.

Can I Bring…

Can I bring an umbrella to block the sun?

Sorry no, those block the view of other festival goers.

What about bringing in my medical prescription? example: Diabetic insulin?

You should identify yourselves to security while waiting to enter the venue. Security will locate the medical folks adjacent to the main entrance, and they will assist you in storing and providing a secure area for diabetics. ALL Medical prescriptions and accompanying names on those containers will need to match the person’s proper ID. Medical related items (food included) may be brought in provided a proper dr. note and / or prescription detailing the necessity of the item is onsite and available.

Can I bring in eye drops for my contact lenses?

Yes, but they need to be in a marked container.

Can I bring a water squirt gun or mister?

Sorry, these will not be allowed into the venue, though there might be some mister fans available for purchase onsite.

Can I bring Chapstick?

Yes. Make sure it has Sunscreen in it too!

Can we bring walkie talkies?

Sure.

Are strollers allowed into the venue?

Yes if it is for an infant/toddler.

How big is a medium backpack? / How will this be enforced?

A medium backpack should be no bigger than 20″ tall, 15″ wide and 9″ thick packed. Bags will have to fit into a box of that size similar to the system used at Airports. If your bag doesn’t fit in the box it won’t be able to go inside the venue.

What are considered professional cameras and professional digital cameras?

Any camera with a removable lens.

Will There Be… At/In The Venue/Festival?

Will there be vegetarian/vegan food offered?

Yes

Will there be flushable toilets and sinks available?

Yes

Will there be Disabled person parking/bathrooms? Where?

STAND BY (NO PUN INTENDED)

Will I be able to find security if needed?

Yes

Will there be payphones inside the venue?

Sorry, No. Do they still make those?

Will there be ATMs?

Yes, both inside the venue and all around the event / camping grounds plus clearly marked on the festival guide.

Will there be lockers on site?

There are a very limited amount of lockers available for rent. Please go to:  http://lockersonline.com/ .
Be nice to Lou the Locker guy. He’s super cool.

Will there be a Lost & Found? (Lost keys, cell phones, etc.)

Yes, there will be a Lost & Found booth which might be clearly marked on the festival guide, or hopefully at least the booth itself will be clearly marked. We have a kick ass Lost & Found. Please try to put your contact info in your phone and take a picture of your contact info for your camera in case you lost those things. You can inquire with lost/found after the festival by emailing info@coachella.com Please describe your lost item in detail. Pics are usually posted later too.

Will there be First Aid on site?

Yes. First Aid stations will be on site, clearly visible to find, and clearly marked on the festival guide.

Will there be a Mist tent?

Maybe.. wander around to see. There for sure will be various shaded structures.

Water? And/or how much is water?

Bottled water will be sold for only $2 (same price since 1999) at numerous vendor locations. Also there will be water fountains. Yes you can bring an empty refillable bottle (no metal).

Will there be a sunglasses / visors or hats / sunscreen sold?

Yes there will be booths on site with those items.

Will there be a festival map available ahead of time so we can see which bands will be at which stages/tent areas? And see locations of food courts, bathroom areas?

Yes. It will be posted a couple days before the festival. It will also be on the festival guide being passed out upon entrance. LINE UP SUBJECT TO CHANGE.

What’s the deal with parking?

There will be plenty of parking adjacent to the festival grounds. Day parking is free. YOU WILL NOT BE ADMITTED INTO THE PARKING LOTS WITHOUT ALL PASSENGERS IN YOUR VEHICLE HAVING THEIR FESTIVAL PASS ON THEIR WRIST! NO EXCEPTIONS. There is no overnight parking allowed except for onsite campers. Everyone planning to park needs to have their festival pass on upon arrival. Did we already mention that?

Will there be wifi?

AT&T Wi-Fi will be available for attendees to connect during Coachella. For more information on how to connect to Wi-Fi, visit AT&T Wi-Fi Access.

Parking, Taxis, Cars, Buses, Trains

I locked my keys in my car, my car won’t start, I lost my keys. Will there be a Tow truck or AAA on site?

There will be an Locksmith on site (it’s probably Sean. He is super cool) and an an AAA Tow Truck on stand by. Be sure to stop by lost and found and look for your keys first. Lost and Found gets tons of unclaimed lost keys each year.

Where is the nearest Bus stop?

In downtown Indio about 3 miles from the venue.

Where is the nearest Train stop and/or bus stop?

Downtown Indio about 3 miles from the venue.

Where is the nearest Gas Station or drugstore?

A gas station is about 3.6 miles away, Monroe & the 111.
There are several food places up and down hwy 111.

The closest grocery store, coffee shop and some food places is the shopping center with RALPHS at the corner of Jefferson and 50th. Google maps will help guide you. Here is satellite view of venue. You can zoom out.

Where is the taxi and/or Drop off/Pick up point??

east side of 50 / Monroe. best access is from Jackson

Tickets

Where can I buy passes? I don’t have a credit card to use online/phone?

Take your cash to a grocery store and purchase a prepaid credit card to use.

Will there be passes sold at the event?

No passes will be sold at the venue. Period.

Is a 3-day pass three separate tickets?

No. It is one wristband that is good for the entire weekend. Void if removed or tampered with.

Why?

Because.

Is getting my pass shipped the only option or can I pick them up somewhere?

Shipping was the only option however in a few circumstances will call was set up. Box Office/Will Call will be at an offsite location.  http://coachella.com/tickets/boxoffice

Ticketmaster is saying my passes can only be shipped to my billing address. Why?

This is a standard Ticketmaster policy however they have made and exception for all Coachella orders – if you need to have your passes mailed somewhere else please contact them back and they will arrange it for you.

I have a camp spot but I need to get a companion parking spot for my friend who is meeting me there. What do I do?

When ordering your camping spot you will have an option on Ticketmaster to add an additional companion parking pass (when you select your delivery method). If you miss this you can always contact Ticketmaster and have them add one to your order (if there are any left).

I live in the middle of nowhere, even FEDEX and UPS can’t figure out where I live. My only option of ever receiving mail or packages is to use a P.O. Box. which may or may not also be my billing address. What can I do?

Please email us before march 10 your current address (the one you say is undeliverable to) and your Frontgate or Ticketmaster order number (depending on how you ordered) and we will find another option for you to receive your tickets.

Camping & Hotels

Every hotel is sold out. What can I do?

Don’t give up.
Try Valley Music Travel
Try expedia, travelocity, orbitz, etc. etc.
Try Cal Stay Hotel Reservations 866-217-8926.

May I use a heater?

The use of any type of heating appliance is not permitted in the Car Camping or Tent Camping areas.

Source: Coachella.com

Picture this: you’re lying on a deckchair with your eyes softly closed, absorbing the sun’s radiant heat, listening to the gentle lull of nearby waves, ignoring the distant screams of tortured children who’ve been buried in the sand by their siblings, sifting fine golden grains between your dangling fingers, thinking about eating chocolate without any hint of guilt, and slipping ever so slowly away into paradise. But, then a cold chill falls around you like the moment Ross said ‘Rachel’ instead of ‘Emily’ at the altar, waking you from your blissful revelry. The sun has set.

There are a lot of places where this would cause a minor heartbreak each day, when sunbathing becomes no longer possible and a few hours of darkness have to be endured before sunrise the following morning. But not along the south coast of Portugal, for the nightlife in the Algarve is just as good a reason to visit as the idyllic beaches. Best thing of all? You don’t even have to step away from the sand to enjoy it (which means no need for heels!)

Here are our favorite beach bars in the Algarve:

BJs Oceanside
Forget the misleading name, BJs is the perfect spot to head as soon as the sun begins to dip below the horizon, or, better still, about half an hour earlier so that you can appreciate the moment with a cocktail in hand. The food here is outstanding, and each dish comes with a smile. Of particular renowned are the garlic king prawns, octopus salad and chocolate cake (go on, you’ve deserved it with all that arduous sunbathing…) All of these can be enjoyed with one of two views; the moonlit mass of the Atlantic Ocean, providing a backdrop of sparkles, or the elegant pine trees and lagoon which stand motionless like a painting.

Club Nau
Club Nau is the perfect place to get your night kick-started, set beneath the beautiful stone architecture of Ferragudo Castle. Live music is key here, to be enjoyed while looking across to the water to the marina at Praia da Rocha, whose splashes of color create a special setting for mellow afternoons that lead into lively evenings. On any given night you might find yourself bopping in the 60s, disco dancing in the 70s or trying to do the robot in the 80s (don’t pretend you can do it…) If you find yourself in need of a nibble, the humus is to die for.

Canico Bar and Restaurant
Always save the best ‘till last! Canico, possibly the most spectacular of all Algarve bars, is reached via an elevator that runs from beach to cliff top, dropping its passengers at a bar that is built into the rugged stone wall overlooking a cove that couldn’t be more perfect even if it was frequented by a topless Leonardo DiCaprio. The closing time here is early (by which I mean very early in the morning), which means you can party deep into the night with DJs in the sand and cocktails in your hand. The Algarve doesn’t get any better than this… until the next morning, when you go for a massage to cure your dancing aches and pains!

I got the chance to interview Matt & Kim after their show in Hayward March 12, 2011. It was a small show at CSU East Bay, but a very good show as always. I have gone to three Matt & Kim shows and can tell you they never disappoint. Watch my interview with them and listen to their San Francisco adventure!!

Matt & Kim are a very popular indie band and got to sit down with Adventuregirl.com intern, Lisa Fong. Kim and Matt shared their love for the S an Francisco Cement Slides and how touring has affected them travel and adventure wise. See the interview here.

Check out their Lessons Learned Music Video

In Jess Berlin’s final installment on our Fiji series, she uncovers the beautiful place called Qamea. This is the island that conjures up lush and exotic island fantasies, miles of pristine beaches, and a resort called Qamea Island Resort. Jess breaks down her favorites for us. Here’s what she had to say about this jewel in the northern islands of Fiji.

The Food

The food at Qamea is outstanding, particularly the seafood dishes.  I enjoyed every meal and found the menu choices to be interesting and refined. The presentation is beautiful. Guests feel like they are eating at a five-star restaurant for every meal. Some of my favorite dishes included epicurean delights such as the Mud Crab Raviolis for dinner and the Salmon Bruschetta offered at breakfast.

Resort Activities

While you do have pay for excursions and diving at Qamea, there are several activities on the resort grounds. I enjoyed the life-size chess set, kayaking, the Kokoda cooking demonstration. Also offered is the weekly wine tasting session with choices from around the world to satiate every palate.

The Bouma Waterfall

The Bouma Waterfall trip ($85 FJ per person) is a huge highlight on the island.  It’s a short trip to the first beautiful fall followed by a 40 minute hike up the mountain to the second of the two falls.  Seeing the waterfall is well worth the trip.  Adventurers can also climb the nearby rocks and swim underneath the spectacular waterfall.

The Jungle Spa at Qamea

The Jungle Spa is literally in the jungle – it’s a beautiful setting amongst the trees.  Massages are wonderful and guests are pampered from the moment  they arrive. Don’t miss the 60 or 90 minute  Qamea Spa Signature Massage giving extra attention to tense neck, back and shoulders.

Just a head’s up! The spa is popular amoung guests and books up fast. On your first day, make sure you book your so make appointment to ensure that little slice of heaven!

The Meke Show

A meke is a traditional Fijian dance.  The local village comes to the Qamea Resort some evenings and performs a wonderful meke show. Don’t be shy, this is when guests get to show off their moves and are invited to dance along for the show.  The Meke is a fun entertainment option and a glimpse into the rich cultural heritage of Fiji.

The beach

Qamea had my favorite beach.  Their pristine white sand beach stretches the entire length of the resort.  It’s a great place to spend the day just relaxing.  My last night, the resort set up a private dinner table for me and my travel partner right on the beach.  We enjoyed dinner under the stars while serenaded by their house musicians.  A perfect way to end an amazing trip.

http://www.qamea.com

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While all three of the resorts –Namale, Matangi and Qamea were very different and unique,  the one thing they each had in common was the people.  From the first day of one’s trip to Fiji, guests will feel as though the members of the staff are  friends.

Each of my stays were so personable because of the staff.  They make it a point to know each guests name and are always warm and welcoming.

And… everything is done with a smile and a “bula”.

How to get to Fiji:

Air Pacific offers non-stop flights from LAX to Nadi, Fiji.

To Namale: From Nadi you can fly to Savusavu on Pacific Sun

To Matangi: From Taveuni Airport it’s a short drive to the dock and then a 20 minute boat ride

To Qamea: From Taveuni Airport it’s a short drive to the dock and a 10 minute boat ride.

Other tips:

While tipping is not encouraged in Fiji, most resorts have a Christmas Fund you can contribute to that is divided up amongst all staff at the end of the year.

For more information on Fiji visit: http://fijime.com

When visiting magical Italy, travelers won’t be able to avoid sensory overload, from the stunning sites and sounds of bustling piazzas, to the beautiful lively people, and who can forget about the food. You just can’t get a bad meal in Italy! Paolo Rossi, shares his top 10 favorites for this week’s feature. Enjoy!

Paolo Rossi’s Top 10 Italy…

1. Taste the food.

Spaghetti, pizza, tiramisu, espresso and mozzarella are just a few products of the popular Italian cuisine, which is famous for its diversity and its use of natural products. As nearly every region in Italy has its own traditions and specialties, you can try a tasty new dish every day during your tour across Italy.

My personal favorite: Pizza Calzone with an espresso.

2. Learn about Roman history.

The history of Italy goes back thousands of years, with the Roman ages as the most well known period. The Roman emperors left behind evidence of their reign across the entire continent, but the most impressing ruins and historic buildings can be found in Italy. You can’t leave the country without having visited the Colloseum, Foro Romano, Valle dei Templi or a similar site. Seriously. They will check this at the border.

My personal favorite: The ancient city of Pompeii.

3. Pick your favorite gelato flavor.

Yes, I know that I already mentioned Italian food, but gelato is something different. It’s unique. It’s an experience. It’s… well, you’ll have to come and try it yourself. And since everyone has his or her own taste, it’s your obligation as a visitor to find out what your favorite flavor is. Do you prefer the fresh taste of fruit, or would you rather have something extra sweet?

My personal favorite: Lemon.

4. Enjoy the nature.

Although Italy is one of the largest countries in Europe by population, there’s still a lot of unspoiled nature left to enjoy. The Amalfi Coast is absolutely breath taking, but the Italian Alps in Valle d’Aosta, the Tuscan hills or the Apulian nature are nothing less than amazing as well.

My personal favorite: Arcipelago di La Maddalena (Sardinia).

5. Visit the Vatican.

When you’re visiting Rome, you’ll have to visit the Vatican as well. Not just because the Holy See is literally a small country inside Rome, but because Piazza San Pietro is probably one of the most beautiful squares in the world. Also because Saint Peter’s Basilica is simply stunning, and because it’s probably your best chance of catching a glimpse of the pope.

My personal favorite: the Sistine Chapel.

6. Go diving.

Most people think about the Red Sea or the Maldives when it comes to diving, but Italy has several great diving spots as well. The clear blue water of the Mediterranean can best be enjoyed around the islands of Sardinia and Ustica, but the Costacuti Reef (Tuscany) or the shipwrecks off the shores of Apulia also are excellent places to dive.

My personal favorite: Cala Gonone (Sardinia).

7. See the inside of a church.

Beautiful architecture, amazing mosaics, painted ceilings and arches that seem to reach the sky; most Italian churches are an ode to God both from the inside and outside. There must be thousands of churches, cathedrals and basilica’s across the country, so there is no excuse not to visit one during your stay. Even when you’re not religious. Once you’ve entered one, you’ll have absolutely no regrets that you took the time for the visit.

My personal favorite: hard to choose, but I love the Duomo di Milano.

8. Take a stroll through an old city center.

The historic centers of over a dozen Italian cities are listed as UNESCO World Heritage Sites, which is an indication of the beauty and historic value of these city centers. The small streets, old buildings and unique piazzas make you want to stroll, not walk. And stay, not leave.

My personal favorite: Sienna (Tuscany).

9. Visit a museum.

The Vatican Museum is the most popular (and crowded!) Italian museum, with over 4.5 million visitors each year, but there are many other places to go to if you don’t like long waiting lines. No matter how small the town in Italy, there’s a museum. And each and everyone of these museums has a collection with the most beautiful paintings, archaeological findings or other pieces of art.

My personal favorite: Uffizi Gallery (Florence, Tuscany).

10. Taste the wine.

France may be the most well-known country in the world when it comes to wine, but the Italians make some fine wines as well. Actually, Italy is one of the oldest wine-producing countries in the world, together with Greece. Since the 2nd century BC, the Italians have been practicing their wine making skills, and you can taste this experience from nearly every bottle of Italian wine.

My personal favorite: a nice red Barolo.

Jess Berlin, on assignment for Adventuregirl.com set out to find the luxe and unusual places in Fiji. Matangi Island, one of Fiji’s private island resorts, is in the northern set of Fiji’s islands, just off Vanua Levu.

Booking at Matangi Island Resort, means guests literally get the whole island. Matangi is an exclusive privately owned 240-acre unique horseshoe-shaped island paradise, with a virgin tropical rainforest, white sand beaches, set against a backdrop of volcanic rocks rising from turquoise clear waters.  A haven for honeymooners and destination brides, Matangi’s Horseshoe Bay is the ultimate in romance hot spot, and noted in Patricia Schultz’s book,  “1000 Places To See Before You Die”.

Jess’s favorite things about Matangi

1. It’s a private island!

Matangi is a privately owned horse-shoe shaped island that has been in the Douglas family for five generations.  There are no cars and no roads on the island. You really do feel like a VIP as you can explore the island freely, while barely running into anyone.  At night it is so quiet, I really felt like it was just me on the island.  This is truly a family run resort with more of a personalized bed & breakfast feel.

2.  The bures

The spacious bures here are incredibly well appointed with a sitting area and four poster beds (complete with built in air conditioning).  ROMANCE ALERT! The beautiful bathrooms have outdoor rock showers (which makes showering even more fun).  Two chairs on each bure’s front porch were the perfect place to read in the mornings and opt for an afternoon nap at the hammock on the beach– an the ideal place from some down time.

3. The snorkeling

The snorkeling just off Matangi is the best I have ever seen.  Just like in those magical underwater photos seen in magazines, the clear ocean waters are chocked full of rainbow colored reef compete with hundreds of  fish- so many that they can be spied as far as you can see.  Matangi can also organize a daily snorkeling trip for a day of adventure off island.

4.  The animals

Be prepared for the animal friends you will make, too!  The Douglas family cares for many stray and injured animals on their little  island.  There is an aviary for the injured birds where you can get a close up, and learn about their several bats, doves and parrots.  The island of Matangi is also home to a few cows, goats, pigs and a few wild horses, remnants of a former working plantation.

5.  The sense of community

Because Matangi is so small, visitors get to know all staff and other guests extremely well.  The staff’s welcoming and hospitality makes for one of those “part of the family” experiences. My trip lent for some instances when we (the guests) had all of the tables pushed close  just so all we guests could eat together and share our adventures of the day at Matangi.

For more Information on Matangi: http://www.matangiisland.com

]]> http://adventuregirl.com/fiji-all-things-matangi/feed/ 0 http://adventuregirl.com/adventure-the-other-butt-cheek-part-2/ http://adventuregirl.com/adventure-the-other-butt-cheek-part-2/#comments Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:54:34 +0000 Loretta Henderson http://adventuregirl.com/?p=2790

Loretta Henderson’s story on her solo cycling adventure in Mongolia continues here…

A man standing in the center of the bus terminal courtyard notices what I’m doing and comes over.  I show him the map, the bicycle and the money.  He smiles and takes Pandemic over to the trunk (boot) of his car.  Pandemic, even without her wheels, won’t fit into the trunk.  His friend comes over and picks up Pandemic and her wheels and tries to fit them into his trunk.  And then his friend and his friend and his friend repeat the same effort.  But Pandemic the stubborn magic bicycle will not give an inch.  Asking a whole bunch of men lingering at a bus terminal in China, to fit a bicycle into the trunk of car, could be a sitcom all of its own.  China is a country where the ratio of bicycles to people is 10:1, and each of those people has a PhD in bicycle.

A caucus of dissertations and head scratching debates fills the courtyard as Pandemic the magic bicycle floats from one trunk to the next to the next, splattering her sandy Gobi remnants across the courtyard.  Eventually, as a result of a lengthy seven way debate, someone points to Pandemic’s back rack and motions for me to remove it.  I have the Allen key tool in my pocket, but I am enjoying the how many clowns can you fit into VW bug circus act far too much to do anything about the rack at the moment.

A woman shimmies through the testosterone filled circus and grabs hold of my arm; she is waving her cell phone.  She presses the cell phone up to my ear.  She had called her English speaking friend and wants to invite me in to her café for free Chinese dumplings and she wants me to have a nice visit to China.  She motions for me to leave the courtyard circus and the bicycle which is in view of the café window.  I sit like a geriatric patient on my left butt cheek and have a nice visit via cell phone translations over dumplings and tea.

I return to the courtyard of circus bicycle engineers and remove the carrying rack from Pandemic’s bicycle frame.  A driver has finally won the prize at the circus and fit a square through a round hole and gotten Pandemic to fit into the trunk, a puzzling success.  I squat in the back seat of the VW Jetta for 2 ½ hours as we rush towards Hohott, the regional capital.  Half Ass Helen is about to erupt, hot pussy lava is gathering pressure and heat in explosive anticipation.

Half Ass Helen erupts for three long days burping out red puss and blood on a rhythmic hourly schedule while I lay around on top of a towel in a sterile hotel room.  Helen doesn’t ground any planes or anything, but the volcanic shaped cone blows her top and exposes a deep canyon lake, an abyss large enough for antiseptics.  The lake has since dried up, the abyss has healed and all that remains of Half Ass Helen the volcanic abscessed butt wound is a scar the size of coin and a story to tell.

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Loretta Henderson – Solo Female Cycling Around the World

I hit a huge rocky dirt rivet in the trail and bounce right off Pandemic, my magic bicycle’s seat, and land on the solid steel cross bar.  I think I just gave myself an epistiotomy. I immediately stick my hand down my throbbing pants to check for blood.  I am grateful I haven’t seen anybody for a few days and can only imagine what they would think of this strange woman alone in the desert on a bicycle with her hand down her pants.  There isn’t any blood but I am fairly certain I have rendered myself infertile.  I am cycling out of the Gobi Desert in Mongolia, into China.  My 2 month visa time is ticking away like rosary beads at a prayer ritual.

By that afternoon, I am sitting on the sandy floor of the Gobi Desert, my bicycle wheel laid out in pieces.  I am concerned about the tube part that appears to have been hit again by an array of machine gun shrapnel.  I am at least 80 kilometers lost or I think I am lost.  Cycling the hardened clay labyrinth trails is like cycling through a bowl of spaghetti.  I have been picking a path in the spaghetti maze and taking it with confidence, that all of these sandy hardened clay “roads” will eventually lead south to China.

I am thirsty and repairing yet another gasping puncture, air leaking through multiple stab wounds.  I am scrapping the bottom of the barrel of my trusty patch kit and the spare tube is holier than a preacher at the pulpit on Sunday morning.  Each full patch, I cut with my nail clippers into two or three tiny patches.  I begin to examine the 7 fresh holes in the tube and patch each one with a freshly cut, tiny jagged edged patch and a whole lot of glue.  I inspect the tire for the cause of this multiple stab wound puncturing madness out here on the semi-arid desert floor.  The villainous culprit is a tiny coral looking fraggle rock with hair of sharp rocky thorns.  The wind is at a constant howl and the tiny thorny fraggle rocks appear to blow with ease and loiter in crowds on the hardened clay “roads”.

As I reassemble the wheel and pack up the trusty patch kit, I sit back and get stabbed with a sharp rocketing pain.  The final puncture of the day has been to my gluteus maximus.  I quickly stand up and pluck the fraggle rock out from my right butt cheek.

After 6 more days of cycling, I cross the Mongolian/Chinese border and I find myself sleeping in my sleeping bag on my belly, bottoms up.  Each evening and morning in the tent, I touch the growing bump, which I have named Helen.  Helen has taken over one half of my buttocks.  Half Ass Helen is named after Mount Saint Helen, the volcano in the pacific northwest region of America.  Half Ass Helen has a cone shaped top and is increasing in painful pressure and is threatening to erupt.  I don’t have a mirror so I can’t see her and can only touch her with a dirty finger.  Half Ass Helen’s location is a bit of a mystery.  I have antibacterial hand wash so I have been rubbing that on Half Ass Helen since her debut to the center stage of my butt crack sometime last week.

I stand up and peddle for 23 miles and then push Pandemic the magic bicycle in the dark another 10 miles towards the street lights of the town of Sonid Youqi in inner Mongolia, China, to contemplate the impending eruption going on inside my pants.  After another night of bottoms up, I wake and push Pandemic the concerned magic bicycle to the town center in search of a bus.  Hohott, the region’s capital and a computer, are about a 2 hour drive away.  Hohott would have medical supplies, a mirror and a computer so I could contact an ex-boyfriend who is a doctor in America and an old friend who likes to laugh at the predicaments I get myself into then helps me sort them out.  Half Ass Helen, the volcanic butt wound, will not disappoint the doctor.

The bus terminal is bustling with activity but I am denied a bus ticket to Hohott.  Perhaps there isn’t a bus or perhaps they won’t accept magic bicycles.  I don’t speak Chinese so I am not sure which.  Therefore, I do something I am normally very opposed to doing and start acting like a rich tourist.

Tourists in Asia have the reputation for being very affluent.  I have never related to this image much.  I subside on a meager diet, always travel on a budget of limited means and share or trade what I do have with those around me.  But the seismic activity brewing in my pants makes this a special occasion.  I take out my Chinese map and 200 yen (about $37) and bring Pandemic over to a taxi.  I point to the map, the bicycle and the money.  The taxi driver just shakes his hand at me, which is Chinese for no, no, no.

Part 2- What happens next? Read it here!

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The Farm at San Benito, a serene, luxurious tropical medical and wellness resort in the Philippines, embraces advice from ancient times, by Greek physician Hippocrates: “Let food be thy medicine and let medicine be thy food.”

Meals at the Farms “85/15″ restaurant not only please your senses. Nutrients are carefully preserved by heating most edibles not over 40 degrees (C). (The name “85/15″ reflects the ratio of ‘live’ uncooked food (85%) to cooked (15%) food served here.)

Mind you, this wellness farm is not for everyone. Not because it’s exclusive, or because of the occasional celebrity you see here. It’s because when they say ‘wellness’, they mean it: No meat is served. No smoking. No alcohol allowed except with meals. Use of mobile phones, computers, radios, TV…even perfumes, is strongly discouraged. Not without good reason, since he focus is on unwinding, de-stressing…renewal of body, mind and spirit. Your stay here is meant to be a retreat from the noisy, hectic ‘outside’ world.

You can enjoy a daily dose of traditional and modern wellness modalities from East and West: Massages, reflexology, medical consultations, salt baths, foot scrubs, Yoga, Tai Chi, Chi Gong and meditation classes, swimming and walking.

And to complete the day in style… how about a moonlit hot bath in your private,  outdoor designer tub, or a massage under the stars poolside.

The friendly therapists and physicians here want you to get the most out of your stay – no matter who you are or what shape you are in. They even offer detoxing and customized programs to address chronic health conditions.

During the day, between treatments, why not check out a book from the on-site library. Or chat with other guests over a juice or tea. Stroll, smell the orchids, relax in a meditation pagoda…or count the swans in the pond.

The next day, after sleeping in, yet another massage and a leisurely walk, I get to enjoy the wellness brunch by the South Pool. Home made coconut ice cream for desert! Makes the Farm’s motto “Eat for Health” even easier to embrace…

What a difference five days at The Farm made. How peaceful and energized I feel, compared to when I arrived. Now I feel better than ever prepared to face the hectic outside world again.

The Farm at San Benito

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Journalist Jess Berlin, on assignment in Fiji for Adventure Girl, brings back stories of these magical south pacific islands.

Jess kicks of the multi-part series with

“Fiji: These Are 5 of My Favorite Things”

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